Islam in the UK – a History

‘Hi – come to UK’ – ‘thank you we will’
‘Can we get a house’ – ‘yes, no problemo’
‘can we get money’ – ‘yes, ofcourse, sign on here’
‘Can we get my parents here’ – ‘yes, no worries’
‘I need a bigger house – I have children now’ – ‘Ofcourse, big families, need big houses’
‘can I have a Mosque, I am a very religious person’ – ‘Why didn’t we think of that’
‘And Halal food’ – ’silly me’
‘And I need a job’ – ‘goes without saying’
‘But time off on Friday for prayers’ – ‘Because you are a very religious man’
‘Can we have our customs taught in Schools’ – ‘Oh, how selfish of me’
‘Can we have special chances to get powerful jobs ’cause of discrimination and racism by white people’ – ‘Ofcourse, we will do all we can to make sure everyone is equal in UK’
“Can we have our own laws, Sharia’ – ‘Seems reasonable, but the law of the land still stands’
“I understand’
‘Can we have our own Islamaphobia clause, so white people know they are being racist towards us because of our faith’ – ‘Yes, discrimination really must stop’
‘Can we have our own schools’ – ‘well the majority of pupils in your area are Muslim, so OK’
‘Can we bomb your trains up and kill many people’ – ‘Hang on, that is pushing it a bit, but I do understand that because of Palestine and history you feel anger and resentment, so we will work with that’
‘Can we abduct, rape, torture and kill your vulnerable underage girls’ – ‘Now you are pushing it, but there is good and bad in everyone, so we will work with you on it OK!’
‘Can we have Polygamy’ – ‘Cant see a reason why not’
‘Can we…………………